Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The No Internet Blues

The online isolation woes.

If I can give you all yet another excuse for not having been regular with my posting, it's because I don't have the internet. Mike and I have been in our new abode for a couple of months now, and alas we still do not have the interdweebs at our disposal. The house itself is chugging along swimmingly (freezing temperature and antiquated oven aside), and Miguel's proving himself to be a most agreeable person to live with. Our living room's been dubbed the "Therapy Room", and more often than not I arrive home to the sound of Seinfeld blaring from within our pad. At the moment however Mike's gone back to the land of the long white cloud to visit friends and family, so I'm home alone. Which is more than okay, seeing as I've always enjoyed being alone. In turn, his time for introspection - and for scaring myself by watching Alien 3 in a dark, empty house - and time of no internet blues has lent itself to some discoveries.

Firstly, I don't know if this is a commonly known thing, or whether I've happened upon some new-fangled discover but ... it is possible to get a HELL of a lot of work done when one doesn't have a working TV or an internet connection.

I cook!

I clean!

I read!

I draw!

I write!

Unfortunately, I don't blog. But I write! By GEORGE, I went for a RUN last night! Let me describe my night. Sit down, this may alarm you.

I got home. I put a load of washing on, then went for a run. I did a few laps of the oval near my house. Then I went home and cooked a frittata thing, to the strains of Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer yelling about pens, or man hands. Then I ate self-cooked (this is a big deal) dinner, while watching Girls. Then I drew a few comics. Then I wrote a first draft of this dumb essay thing I'm writing for a website which is not this blog. Then I washed the dishes. Then I had a cup of tea and paid some bills. Then I read A Clash of Kings for ages, then I went to bed. I felt SO PRODUCTIVE. A-WHATUP, FUNCTIONING ADULTDOM!

Seriously though, it's amazing how much stuff you can get done when you don't spend the entire evening lying on the couch, with a laptop on your stomach. When you don't spend upwards of three hours most nights on Reddit.

In addition to that, I've managed to have a sudden and immense burst of creative energy and inspiration. I think it might be the fruit of getting a coffee with Brian, being at the girls' house while Alice got her craft on, and by having my eyes glued to books and the outside world instead of Twitter and Reddit.

So here's the kicker: We actually got the internet connected last Friday. And yet for all of my lamenting the fact that I can't download season two of Downton Abbey, I haven't even attempted to get the World Wide Web functioning in the house. This is partly because I do not know how (the router's still in its box under the oven), and partly because I am enjoying having this sense of being a productive person who gets things done after work. I could just figure out how to do it, but I could also just wait for Mike to get back, and keep on reading and writing my nights away.

Anyway, here I am at work still drawing and writing. I promise I'll post up the results of this newfound inspiration shortly, as soon as I find myself near a scanner. Perhaps I'll buy one. I have a job, after all.

Friday, June 1, 2012

An Open Letter to My Career

What happened between us?

I'm sorry. That's really no way to begin a letter. It's rude, and that is not what I am aiming for. My apologies.

Let's try this again, shall we?

Long time no see!
How are you?
Really, tell me how you are. I genuinely want to know. Tell me stories, of your adventures during my absence!

I've been okay. Actually, if we're being honest (and believe me, the time has come for that) I've been pretty darn good of late. I earn money! I cook! My hair's growing out! Maybe it was the alarmingly long ponytail following me around that prompted me to follow up on you, my friend. That, and the fact that I ponder how close we used to be with an ever-increasing frequency. I remember when we were an inseparable, unstoppable duo; two badass hardass motherfuckers not to be trifled with. I know you remember too, those good old days. Glory days, if you will. I felt completely comfortable with you by my side, with your companionship and the fire in my belly that came with your presence. I just feel awkward as hell when I'm around you man! Now I listen to a little too much Bruce Springsteen when I'm reminded of what we used to do and where we used to go. It's as disheartening as you can imagine, don't doubt that for a second. I shouldn't feel like that around you! Oh boy oh boy, is it ever sucky. Where once we'd talk endlessly about everything now I stare at my feet and fail to think of anything to say. I rack my brains for a conversation topic, an observation, a question, and I come up with donuts, a mighty zero. It pains me to be mute around you. Then again, it's not as if you bother to contribute to conversation, so you know. Cram it. Do you enjoy watching me flounder and stutter through small talk with you? Cram it twice.

I take that back. I'm sorry. I'm just nervous is all.

The fact of the matter is this: I let you down. My bad. That sounds flippant, but it's true. It's truly my bad. So, there you go. My bad.

I stopped calling you, I flaked out at every imaginable moment, I was forever defensive or hungover or impatient or broke and then I just became balls-out rude. For all of these things I could make up excuses, I could give long-winded reasons of why I morphed into a shitty pal and lacklustre partner-in-crime but I think the time for excuses came and went a long time ago. We stopped talking, and that's that. I actually stopped talking to everyone, but that's a crappy excuse at best. I wish my reason was something like,

But alas, this is not the case. "I didn't speak to anyone for a while" is the best I can do. At least you know it wasn't personal, right?

So now you know I'm sorry.

Let's get a coffee. Or, I could make you a coffee. I make lots of coffees at work nowadays. It's one of my many duties. I make many, many coffees. Seriously though, let's breakfast or lunch or brunch or dunch. It takes me less time to get to places nowadays, and I'm much better at getting out of bed. Hey! I know! We could go shopping! We could get makeovers! Dude, let's buy new outfits! My theme will cease to be Geeky Slacker and you can quit with the whole Stand-offish Ice Queen vibe.

I'm sorry, that was uncalled for.

Seriously though... I know how much fun you are when you want to be, but you MUST realise how hard it can be to get through to you. Or to muster the courage to speak to you. You've gotta be more approachable! I say that in the nicest way possible, of course. I know I have a myriad of faults, but the least you could do is smile once in a while. Try not to let your default look be "ANGRYFACE". And don't say that it's because of me that you've got the angryface. I just apologised, okay? And you're far from perfect. In fact, sometimes you're downright pedantic and boring. In fact, I barely thought about you the entire time I was overseas. Take that. I loved being on the other side of the world from everyone, and that includes you buddy boy. In FACT, I'll level with you. I thought I could completely leave you behind, forget altogether that we'd ever been so intensely linked. I thought - and I kind of still do think - that I could run away into the happy wilderness and never ever see you again.

SORRY. Sorry sorry sorry. Back on track.

I had some damn high hopes for our relationship, duder. I still do. I think we can rebuild this. I know I was AWOL for rather a long time, but believe me when I say that I learned a whole lot after a whole lot of soul-searching and journeying. It was fucking epic, is what it was. It was like a Game of Thrones episode had a baby with a non-shit Eat Pray Love but with less Julia Roberts and more booze and expletives and without Javier Bardem. Actually, get rid of Eat Pray Love, that's gross. It was like an episode of Game of Thrones, but with less in the way of knights and more in the way of Spanish-speaking folk.

Seriously though, I realised that I do want you in my life. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. I'm sorry it took me so long to happen upon that nugget of knowledge, dude. Even though part of me says I shouldn't bother, I do know now that I want you around. I want to take on the world again, with you. I want to be an unstoppable duo, two badass motherfuckers not to be trifled with! I may tire of your endless nagging and your ambition, and you may grow weary of my apathy and short attention span, but I think we can make this work. Shit YEAH, we can make it work.

So. What do you say? Eh? Eh? Friends? Tentative pals? Come on, gimme a break here. Throw me a high-flying bone! We can do it! I know we can! We'll step back into the world and take it by the horns and pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and take it one game at a time and give it a hundred and ten percent while taking each week as it comes!

See you soon I hope.
Call me! Or I'll call you. Tell you what, I'll give you tomorrow to think about it, then I'm calling. I'm going to call the shit out of you.