Saturday, October 30, 2010

Torture Porn Does 3D

Films are released on Thursdays.
So, Thursday just gone marked the first day in Australian cinemas for The Social Network, Made in Dagenham and Red. What did I go see? No, not Helen Mirren shooting up bad guys, or Jesse Eisenberg as Mark Zuckerberg by way of Sorkin and Fincher.

No.

I went to see Saw VII.

Right. Context. I didn't see the first two at the cinematorium. Rather, I paid to see numbers 3, 4 and 5 with my hard-earned dosh. I bypassed number Saw VI, after the sore disappointment (albeit, with splashes of morbid, disgusted laughter) of the previous three. VII though, has two things going for it. That is, apart from the massive amounts of gore, blood, blood-curdling screams and completely absurd "traps".

  • IT'S IN 3D!
  • WE FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO DR GORDON!
Dr Gordon takes a hands-on approach to the traps.
Knowing that Cary Elwes was finally on board for one of these sequels and that this is supposedly (pfft...) the last of the Saw films led me to think that PERHAPS they'd put a little bit more effort into the story/script, and had lured Dr Gordon with the promise of something worthy of a return.

So, what DOES happen to my beloved Prince Westley/Robin Hood? To divulge that would be spoiling the twist that the Saw films always manage to throw into the end of the film. However, the "twist" in this newest installment is slightly more impressive than the last three or four sequels. You'd bloody hope so too.

The plot itself involves "the cop from the last one" and Jigsaw's milf-y widow, as well as a former victim of Jigsaw's, doing the motivational speaking circuit, telling his story. There's the usual race to find the warehouse/abandoned junkyard where the trap is being set, as well as the usual morbidly hilarious horror of seeing the traps in action. Seriously, can you imagine how much fun it'd be to be coming up with some of that shit? I don't know whether to be jealous of the fun, or repulsed by the minds that conjured them up.

The 3D is what you'd expect. THINGS FLYING AT YOUR FACE!! DUCK! HERE COMES A WRENCH! The usual jumps, only in 3D, and HURTLING AT THE SCREEN. I suppose 3D is somewhat validated, what with Avatar and the news that Martin Scorsese is shooting a film in 3D. Saw 3D holds no surprises, nor the mindblowing beauty of Avatar. That's what Saw's about though. Ridiculous fun.

I saw the film with two friends of mine. The three of us were the only people in the cinema, being mid-afternoon on a weekday. As such, we were able to scream and holler and laugh hysterically and yell out expletives in surprise to our heart's content. In fact, we did a certain amount of cheering during Dr Gordon's scenes. We yelled at the cop, we recoiled in horror with cries of "OOHHHH, SHIIIEEEET!"

Same as the context of my sitting through of Kanye's Runaway video, my viewing company weighed heavily on what I took from Saw VII. With Linc next to me yelling things like "HOLY crap, she is FIT!" whenever Jigsaw's widow was onscreen and "THEY'RE FUCKED!" during many a trap scene meant that my enduring memory of that afternoon is one of enjoyment. Not so much disgust, even though the traps were exactly the amount of gore and stomach churning horror that you'd want and expect.

Yes, it is better than the last four. It is. It's disgusting. It's stupid. It's got DR GORDON. It'll make you laugh at the same as recoiling in horror. It's also fun. God, how's that for a hit rate? One, two, then SEVEN as good installments of a franchise. Jesus.

Make sure you see it with some hilarious friends.

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